It's day 60. I am currently down 17 pounds. I missed my goal by 3 pounds. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I really am happy and I'm beginning to enjoy my journey a little more every day. I wish I could take the bioelectrical impedance analysis. It's a test that measures how quickly an electrical current travels through your body. I would love to find out how much fat I'm replacing with muscle on a monthly basis. I bet I would throw out my pesky little scale.
I think an important question to ask yourself would be: Why do you want to lose weight? In the past, I wanted to be 'pretty', 'skinny', and like the girl on TV. Now, it's for totally different reasons. I want to be a healthy human being. A healthy strong heart to keeping me going for many, many years to come. I want to lower my risk of developing different diseases. I have been hard on my body. Yet, it has always been able to bounce back. The human body really is a beautiful machine. I have a daughter that's going to be two in April and I don't want her to struggle with food and her body image like I did growing up. I want to teach her that food is good and nutritious. I want to be active and physical with her. I don't want her to see Momma glued to the couch, sipping on soda, and munching on Doritos. I want her to pick up my good habits and to lead by example. I want more children. Right now, I'm not at a healthy weight. I am at risk for gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, and etc. I want to be as healthy as I can be before I try to conceive again. I want to be around to see my grandkids and my great grandkids. I don't want to be the 50 year old woman struggling with back and hip pains. I feel 50 is still young. If I take care of myself now, I'll have a better chance of feeling good in twenty years. I want to feel content in my own skin, too. I do hate my pudgy belly. My extra meaty thighs. My chicken wing arms. I'm not going to aim for perfection though. I know that people age. Bodies soften with age. Boobs will sag over time. You might develop stretch marks, too. That's okay. I worry more about my arteries, my blood vessels, and lungs. It's easy to not think about those things because we take our health for granted. We can't see what's going on inside our bodies. We focus on our shell -- Our stomachs, butts, thighs, arms, and etc. And, we feed off what other people interpret as beautiful or sexy.
I don't always feel beautiful. Today, I do. I think it's because I'm feeling confident. And, I'm taking time to take care of me. That's love. I deserve it.
Gym song of the day: Pearl Jam - Animal
As you have been able to see, outside matters very little to me, clean does, ;) it is a thing. Inside, very important. Stop smoking not going as well as I would like, but I am making progress. ;) Throw the scale away. And listen to yourself.
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