Time.

  I'm a stay-at-home Mom, but it's not that easy finding time to go to the gym. The nearest babysitter lives an hour away. That'd be my Mom or Miah's Mom. Other than that, no one else watches our daughter.  Miah, the boyfriend, works early morning, long days. Recently, his boss, decided to quit the business and get a real job. It was in our plan to start our own company, but it was sooner than expected. And, work always slows down around the Holidays.
  The routine so far: The boyfriend, Miah, wakes up, hits the gym. And, when he returns, I go. I have a workout buddy already. Miah's sister, Bethany, joined the gym. I'll be on my own again as soon as the business picks up and the boyfriend returns to early, long work days. That means I will have 5 am workouts. Let's be honest, 5 am is too early, but I am more determined than ever.
  Our workouts -- 30 minute cardio and 30 minutes on the weights. Arms one day, legs the next, etc. I think she's pretty determined, too. And, we push each other through tough barriers. It really is nice to have a workout buddy!

Hello, Gym.

  Oh, look, it's me -- The fat girl with a pretty face! Seriously, if you know an attractive fat girl, please do not say to them, "You have such a pretty face." Listen up, Buddy O' Pal, we know we're fat. I can see my muffin top every single time I pass my bedroom mirror. And, not only can I see it, I can feel it. I am well aware that I'm fat. If you plan on complimenting me or the next fat girl, "You're pretty" makes a lot more sense than "You have such a pretty face!"
  It's no secret. I'm really fat again.  It's no exaggeration. I can't hide my fat *pretty face* from the world. I was super freakin' upset yesterday because my clothes no longer fit. It didn't happen over night. I know this. I'm not talking about my jeans, either. I haven't been able to wear my jeans for months now. I'm talking about pajama pants that have elastic waist bands. You know, elastic waist bands only have the ability to stretch so far! I was probably overly dramatic, but I disposed of almost all my clothes.  I donated numerous trash bags full of clothes to Good Will. I might have two outfits that I can wear now. It's pretty bad that my grannie panties don't even fit me. I'm talking about the over sized underwear that the ladies save for that special time of the month. Or, at least, that's what I do. Anyway, I refuse to shop for new clothes until I lose a big chunk of weight.
  Today, the boyfriend and I joined a gym. It's a 5 month membership. I'm determined. I'm ready to make lifestyle changes. I did it once. I can do it again. And, that's what angers me the most about this whole fat thing. I swore that I'd never allow myself to get super fat again. Yet, here I am. Fat as ever.
  Recently, I spent Thanksgiving at my Mother's house. She decided to take a few pictures of me in all my roly poly glory and post them on the internet. I was disgusted with myself. I was mad at her. I kept thinking, "Is this what I really look like?" Maybe, repulsed is a better word.
  So, here I am ... ready to make big changes! It's not going to be easy. It's never easy breaking bad habits.